My littlest babe.
Her birth was quite a miracle and a blessing. She was born at home, not planned, in the bathtub. The other three babes sleeping in their beds while their littlest sister arrived, on April Fool’s Day. Her membrane still intact, enveloping her tiny body securely. This is how she entered the world, with warmth, security and peace.
Those first few months seemed like any other after a new human life has arrived. Feeding her, watching her fall asleep at my breast, milk glistening on her lips. Catching bits and pieces of sleep while taking care of three other little people. Those moments when I would pick this littlest one up I would find myself smiling filled with a new perspective. You see, one, two and three babes ago I probably wouldn’t have been so eager and calm in those wee hours of the morning. I was slightly irritable with a hint of anger roiling under the surface. Why wasn’t this little person letting me sleep?!
What has changed? I’m not 100% sure. She is my last baby, the last tiny body that I will have carried inside of my own for nine months. The last small person that I will cuddle with and call my own. Right now I am trying my darndest to hold on to these moments. I’m trying to take in every little smell, sight, sound and feeling of this little girl no matter the time–be it three o’clock in the afternoon or three o’clock in the morning. She needs me right now, like she did while she was in the womb. She needs to feel secure, warm and at peace. I can’t hold on tight enough, before I know it these moments will have slipped through my fingers and my littlest baby will be running from me, not reaching for me.
So for now, I can be tired but really the reason behind it no longer makes me angry. I know one day I’ll get a full night’s sleep and I’ll dream of those times when I wasn’t.
This post was inspired by Heather’s over at Shivaya Naturals. Thank you Heather!