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Walk with Him Wednesdays: Sacrifice

“Every Wednesday, we Walk with Him, posting a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to His heart.To read the entire series of spiritual practices

Next week, as we walk with Him towards Easter, might we consider: The Practice of Sacrifice.”~Ann Voskamp


It’s been a day.

One thing after another has been breaking me down, bringing me to tears, bringing me to my knees. But for some reason I keep getting up, wiping my face dry and keep going.

I feel like a glutton for punishment, all I really want to do is give up.

Bury my head under the covers, no coming up for air until the light of a new day shines through the blinds.

Did Jesus feel like this…when those who followed Him betrayed Him, denied Him? Did He just once feel like dropping the burden on His shoulders? Did He think about going into hiding…into a place so deep that no one could find Him?

He was human, right? He knew His fate. He knew His Father. He knew He was the ultimate sacrifice. Yet, He went on.

I wish I could see Him, yet I feel Him. When I’m on my knees, weeping uncontrollably He’s there picking me up and wiping my tears…I’m not doing this on my own.

When I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs at a little, innocent person…He quiets my screams, stops my racing heart and holds me tightly until I calm down.

When I feel like hiding in the dark, intent on not surfacing…He opens the blinds of my heart and shows me the light.

What would I be without Him, The Ultimate Sacrifice?


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Walk with Him Wednesdays: Sacrifice

“The next 3 weeks, as we walk with Him towards Easter, might we consider: The Practice of Sacrifice. We look forward to your thoughts, stories, ideas….”~Ann Voskamp

I thought I knew what ‘sacrifice’ meant when I became a mother. I filled my head with the idea that if I hadn’t taken a shower for three {or more} days that was sacrifice. If I fed my children before I even attempted to feed myself that was sacrifice. If I cleaned, cooked, played, read book after book before I thought of taking a break {and sometimes this meant just using the bathroom}…these were sacrifices.

Yes, it’s true…these are all sacrifices of sorts. But really in all these “sacrifices” I’ve sacrificed myself and led myself down a very rough road. A road that took me to the depths of depression, thoughts of suicide, feelings of hopelessness. I thought I could do it all…be “super mom.” And when I finally wore myself down to the very earth that I could no longer stand on, all the pretending I had done…pretending to have it all together…gave way and left me vulnerable.

Vulnerable is not a spot I like to be in. Being in this place means I have to trust…I’m not sure I inherently possess this…trust. I did it for a moment though, this trust thing. I trusted God…that He would take care of me through the people who were taking care of me. It took going to those ugly depths to trust Him.

I’m not as deep as I was almost exactly two years ago. I’m not crying every minute of the day. I’m not thinking of locking myself and my kids in the garage with the car running. I’m not afraid to leave the house, afraid that someone will see the ugly marks of depression on my soul. Praise the Lord for this!

But…do I truly know what sacrifice is?


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Walk with Him Wednesdays: Fasting

(Every Wednesday, we Walk with Him, posting a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to His heart. To read the entire series of spiritual practices
This week, and the next two weeks, as we walk with Him towards Easter, might we consider: The Practice of Fasting. We look forward to your thoughts, stories, ideas….–Ann Voskamp)

I knew today was Ash Wednesday; our church has been talking about the service they will hold tonight. I have probably even taken part in an Ash Wednesday service sometime in my past, but I realized…do I really know what it means, what it is? It marks the first official day of Lent…a season of repentance, fasting. I’m sure there are misconceptions…it’s only a “Catholic thing” might be one. People all over Twitter are “tweeting” about what they are going to give up for Lent…chocolate, drinking, sugar, Facebook, etc. Do those people really know why they’re giving these things up? Is it a mindless ritual? Is it a personal feat to overcome? Is it the “popular” thing to do? I’m just speculating here, no accusations, no judgement…just wonder.

I would consider myself a “baby Christian,” having been saved about 8 years ago. I feel like I have some much to learn, so much to read, so much more to experience.

Is our observance of Lent just a tiny speck of sand in comparison to what Christ experienced those 40 days in the wilderness and later on the cross? How does giving up chocolate even compare to the torture Jesus was put through? We can live without chocolate, can we live without Christ? It’s all symbolic…dying to our earthly desires, possessions, lives so we may be resurrected with Jesus.

I am human and a sinner. It is possible to give up those things that I covet…such a strong word, but I’m being truthful. Do I want to give up those things…probably not. Did Jesus want to die on the cross? I don’t know…I’m going to venture out on a limb and say no, but He did and He did it for us.20120222-115056.jpg

So, I am willing to give up those things that I feel have a strong hold on me in this current season of my life…I know I’ll look at the words and feel that I am such a shallow person…this is nothing compared to the wilderness.

  • Starbucks
  • Soda
  • Desserts
  • Holding grudges, not forgiving
  • Putting up a fake front…everything is okay


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with Him Wednesdays: The Practice of Love

Walk with Him Wednesdays

“Every Wednesday, we Walk with Him, posting a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to His heart.

(The Practice of Love How do we love in difficult places? Our husbands? Our children? How do we live out the greatest of commandments? We look forward to your thoughts, stories, ideas….)”

(For the Next 3 weeks:  The Practice of Fasting What does it mean and what does it look like and how does God use it to change us? We look forward to your thoughts, stories, ideas….)”–Ann Voskamp

Tell Him…

I’m going to take a guess at what my guy wants more than anything…

financial freedom?

a new house?

a vacation?

Probably all those things, but if I know his heart I would say that he wants me to tell him…

how much I love him,

that I still find him incredibly attractive,

my conversations with God,

my heart.

{I believe this is not only Mark’s desire but also the Lord’s…tell Him}

He holds the tiniest of hands, leads them to safety, gives them comfort, wipes the tears, embraces with tenderness, plays with reckless abandon, feeds them {body & soul}.

He holds them when they are tired of walking, he picks them up when they fall down.

He shows them the beauty around them, he marvels at the wonder with them, he tries his best to answer their questions.

He has delivered one of our babies with his own hands!

He does all this without a second thought, without expectations.

For all of these things I love him! Our heavenly Father does all these things too, and while Mark could never be as perfect {no one can} he is constantly striving. He is striving to know the Lord, striving to be more like Jesus. And for this I love him!

 I may not have the words all the time; my heart “thinks” in pictures, moments, memories, actions…these are the things that explain my love for him.


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with Him Wednesdays: The Practice of Love

Walk with Him Wednesdays

“Every Wednesday, we Walk with Him, posting a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to His heart.

(For the Next 3 Weeks: The Practice of Love How do we love in difficult places? Our husbands? Our children? How do we live out the greatest of commandments? We look forward to your thoughts, stories, ideas….)”–Ann Voskamp

Forgiveness…

something that has always been hard for me to do. I guess it doesn’t hold water under my bridge of hurt. The words hang heavy in the air with promise but fall to the ground with a thud when the same wounds are exposed again and again. It’s hard for me to ask for as well, fearful that I’ll disappoint again, not wanting to admit I was wrong. Why is it so easy for some people? For me, it might take a lifetime to learn.

Jesus forgave our sins by dying on the cross for us. We hurt far more than I have ever been hurt by any one person…and He forgave us!

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” ”

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

I’m working on it. It’s easier for me to forgive silently, in my mind, than it is to forgive “publicly”. I find more love is released from my heart when I forgive, naturally. And now that I’m a mama, this act of mercy is far more important than ever. My children need to know that they are forgiven. They need to know that they have the capacity for forgiveness, even if it’s just for one of their siblings taking a toy. Forgive.

Most importantly for me in this season, I need to make an effort to ask for my husband’s forgiveness and forgive him when it’s warranted. Forgive me for taking things out on you. Forgive me for shutting down. Forgive me for the stupid things I say. Forgive me.